“And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away. And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone. But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased. Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.”

Matthew 14:22-33

I often feel like Peter when he asked Jesus to let him come to him on the water. In my distress, I call out to God, but often times when faced with a giant, I become fearful and take my eyes off the Lord. Peter began to sink when he looked at his surroundings and became suddenly afraid. The Lord had already given him what he needed, but in true man's fashion, he allowed his flesh to distract him, and once again fell into duress. Jesus immediately stretched forth his hand and caught him, but said "o, thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"

This is such a good example to me of the mind battles we all seem to constantly face. We are constantly worrying about the future, and are often over come by our current circumstances, which causes us to take our eyes off of the Lord and place our focus on what we think we can control, but in all reality can't.

The Bible says to take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for things of itself. God is already in our tomorrow, we are simply choosing not to see Him there because we have allowed our doubts and fears to rule our lives. Peter literally waked on water to Jesus, and still he fell. Why? Because his faith began to waver as he looked at the storm raging around him. But, Peter, seeing He needed rescue, instead of trying to save his self, immediately cried out to Jesus for help, and Jesus stretched forth his hand and rescued him. Christ is the only one who can help us in our crises. Jesus's very presence, calmed the seas and the disciples fears. Though Jesus's physical body isn't here with us today, He left us not only a comforter, but His written word.

When we allow God's presence to enter into our storms, whether it be a physical need, or a mental battle, there will be peace. God does not promise that we will not be faced with trials, but he does promise to meet us in our need. Peter recognized his need and immediately cried out to the Lord for help. Just as you and I should do.

Do you try to fix your problems yourself? Do you give in to the mental battles? Do you fight with your flesh thinking you can overcome it on your own?

I imagine God watches us as we try to face these struggles alone and says "I am literally right here. I gave you an entire book with the answer to your every need, and still you try to fight your battles alone. And still, you worry about tomorrow. And still, you are fearful." It’s really almost as if we are putting ourselves through unnecessary duress.

It would be very easy for me to think of Briggs during his accident or him lying in a casket, and there have been many times that those thoughts have haunted my mind to the point I couldn't even sleep at night, or eat or even get through the day, but the second I transition those thoughts to thoughts of eternity, I am at peace. My heart may still be sad, but I am not bound by my thoughts. I am not bound by fear, and I am not bound by worrying about a future I cannot control.

I have shifted my focus to today and today only. I long for the future in the sense of eternity, but I am not plagued by what it is out of my control. The Bible says that we are more precious than rubies, more valuable than sparrows and so individually important to God that he knows how many strands of hair lie on our heads. I am madly in love with my children, but even I do not know how many strands of hair they have. And I love each of you so so much but I could never have sacrificed my only son for the life of another. And I'm sure many of you would say the same. But God did that for us because that is how much he cares for us.

I feel like since losing Briggs I can relate to God in that way, and I was already aware of the depth of the sacrifice He made for us, but when I think about Briggs, and what God is doing through his story, there has been times that I have said God I wouldn't have chosen to sacrifice my son, I'm not you. And it really brings to reality to me, the depth of his love and his sacrifice. I couldn't have done it, I couldn't have knowingly and willingly inflicted this pain on myself as a parent, but God did. And I think Him knowing He would be with Him again in eternity gave him peace. It certainly gives me peace, knowing that I will spend an eternity with Briggs one day, it’s really what gives me hope for today.

I have always been someone who knew this earth was not my home, and I have always longed for heaven, even when Briggs was here with me, but for some reason, it was always easy for me to take my eyes off of eternity and worry about my tomorrow. But since losing Briggs, if I don't keep my thoughts on things above, I go to a very dark place where it is easy to give in to my pain and fear. Much like Peter, I begin to sink.

So over the last eight months, I have learned how to truly fix my eyes on Jesus, and in those moments of distress, I cry out to him like never before. And I think it's because I got so weary by living in such pain that it literally felt like fight or flight. Like OK Meshea if you let yourself go here you are just adding to your pain but if you will immediately run into the arms of God, he will rescue you and that is literally what he has done for me over and over again during these last eight months. He has rescued me day after day after day. And you have to make it up in your mind to let God rescue you. If you choose to wallow in your misery, he will let you. If you choose to walk in fear, he will let you. But we have to be like Peter, and Job, and David and realize our need for help and then accept God's help. It is just like salvation, it is offered to all who will receive it, but you have to receive it.

I realized, and still realize today, that I cannot live in constant agony, and I don't have to. God has offered us peace and victory and comfort and joy in this life, even in our trials. And for a while, when my mind was so succumb to fear, I truly believed that there was no victory for me, that there was no rescue from my pain. I remember saying, "victory would be God giving me my son back. Therefore, there is no victory for me on this earth. My victory awaits me in heaven." But that was just the fear of tomorrow talking. And I still don't know what victory looks like for me, and if I don't experience it until I get to heaven, that is OK because that is the ultimate victory but I will not continue believing that I have to live a life of misery just because I no longer carry my son with me. I can be both sad and have the joy of the Lord. I can be uncertain of the future, and still trust God with my tomorrow. And in the moments that my flesh fails, I know that I can call on God and he will reach out to me and rescue me. Why? Because His word tells me so! He said that he would never leave, nor for sake me, and that goes for you too. We must walk in the promises of God.

Reading the Bible, and I don't mean rushing through it to meet a deadline, I mean reading to soak it in to feed your soul, has truly been my saving grace. Because so many sleepless nights, I have had to recite scripture to myself to drown out the tormenting thoughts of Briggs accident. And so many nights I was only able to fall asleep because I had God's word hidden in my heart. God has given us everything we need to live in this cruel, heartbreaking, evil world to not let it over come us. We can hold it in our hands, his spirit lives inside of us, and all these things were given to us so that we would not overcome by the tribulations of the world.

The Bible says in James 1:22-25, “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: for he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, this man shall be blessed in his deed.”

Being a doer of the word doesn't just mean we don't sin, it also means that we apply scripture to every part of our lives. Psalm 119 Is the longest chapter in the Bible and is a repetitive meditation on the beauty of God's word and how it helps us stay pure and faithful. Almost every verse mentions God’s word, and I don’t think this was by mistake. I’m not going to read the whole chapter but I do want to read some of the verses to yall. (read highlighted verses) Let’s go back to verse 11: Not only does having God’s word in our heart keep us from sin, but it reminds us of just Who our Father really is. So when we are facing a trial we know where our help comes from. When we are in a season of victory, we know Whom to give our thanks. And whether we are in the valley or on the mountain, we know whom to give our praise.

Verse 49-50: Quickened here, means revive, or make alive. This struck me as it is a literal testimony of my life over the last 8 months. When it felt like my life was all but over and that there was no hope for my recovery, God’s word literally brought me back to life. I have clinged to scripture like it was all that could save me. Countless nights I have sung Psalm 23 to myself: I would say “the lord is my shepherd I shall not want anything but you, for all my days your goodness and mercy follows me and I will dwell in your house forever.” And I wouldn’t have fallen asleep without God and His word being so near to me. I wouldn’t haven’t made it through the mind battles that accompanied losing Briggs, especially in the way we lost him, without being able to tell myself “but scripture says this Meshea,” “God loves him even more than you do,” “you will see him again, and it will be for eternity,” “he’s not suffering, and he’s not in a grave, because of God existence and Jesus’ sacrifice, Briggs’ got to go straight to Heaven where all was made whole.”

When we fully grasp what God has told us in his word, it is far easier to keep our thoughts on things above. If I didn't constantly remind myself that Briggs is in heaven, walking with Jesus and worshiping at his feet, I would probably lose my mind to grief. But if we will dwell on the truth of God's holy and written word, and keep our eyes fixed on him, we will not be succumb to the trials of this world, and will walk in the victory God has promised us. You may not can see a way out or even imagine what victory looks like for you, but cry out to God, let him be your first go to, your first option, and He will, I assure you and I can say this with confidence because His word says it, He will see you through. Love and cling to God’s word the way the author of Psalm 119 did. He said in verse 105, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” It’s not just instructions to follow for a sin free life, or words to reference on occasion, but it is literally a light to show us the way ahead so that we will not stumble.

I can’t say that I have reached a place of utter joy or complete understanding, but I can sincerely say that I trust the Lord and believe in His word with my whole being, therefore, I have hope for tomorrow. And it is my prayer that Briggs story and the testimony of our lives, even though we didn’t witness the miracle of Jesus healing Briggs on earth, encourages y’all and others to cling to God and His word no matter the circumstances.