My heart has been burdened this Christmas season. You see, God has been trying to teach me one last lesson before everything I have prayed for finally comes to pass. Something I’ve failed to notice, until now. I have prayed for 3 years for what I am soon to have, and instead of giving praise, I have asked God to hurry my blessings. I’ve spent this entire holiday season consumed in doubt and worry, and haven’t stopped once to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. I’ve cried endless nights because we won’t be in our new home in time to decorate for Christmas; another holiday season spent in the camper. But is this what Christmas is really about? Decorating? Buying? Baking?

This week I was praying my usual “Lord please make us able to move into our home before Christmas,” followed by “I just want to put my tree up,” and that’s when the Lord pricked my heart. Is that what Christmas means to you? A Christmas tree. I shivered at the fact that yes, apparently, I had reduced the entire meaning of Christmas down to a tree. I’ve spent the entire holiday season whining rather than celebrating the birth of the person giving me everything I’ve long prayed for.

So here I am, learning what I hope is my last lesson. A lesson of not only patience, but of contentment and true, sincere gratefulness. Our house is almost ready for our residence, and though not yet, I am thankful. Our rainbow baby is almost here, and though not yet, I am thankful. We still wake to a camper with no Christmas tree or hanging stockings, yet I am thankful that their absence reminds me of God’s presence. We aren’t celebrating Christmas the “traditional” way, yet I am thankful that the “un-traditional” has reminded us of Christmas’s true meaning, the birth of Christ.

I know there’s only 14 days left in the year, but I have made a vow to only give thanks for the remainder of it. I won’t ask for all of the things left to be done, instead, I will praise God for what I have now, and what is to come. I will no longer worry myself with keeping up with the world’s definition of Christmastime, but I will instead take every moment of wait, and remember why we truly celebrate this Christmas season.